Anxiety abounds

Now that Hassaan's meds have allowed him to have the self control to keep his behaviour in check with a little reminder here and there, an issue that was already there has come to the forefront tenfold.  Anxiety.

Anxiety in a nearly six year old isn't fun.  I will say right now - I will not be putting him on medication for this.  I do not want him on more meds than he is already on.  But when we go to the doctor again early in June I will be asking for a referral to a therapist.

Hassaan's anxiety issues are, to say the least, challenging.  Just stating that we will be leaving the house is enough to set him off, even if he's given half an hour warning.  Too much warning and it creates chaos.  Too little warning and you end up having to carry him from the house.  But even with what should be enough warning and reminders that he'll be leaving it still can end up with him having to be carried out of the house.  Unfortunately, there are still times that he still needs to be carried out kicking and screaming.

He and I (alone) went to the area's multicultural festival the other night.  Hammad had the privilege of going taken away after kicking his brother in the stomach.  So as he and I were stuck in traffic (the irony of being stuck in traffic in the middle of nowhere was not - and is not - lost on me.  Construction on a two lane highway that has not been expanded to create a third lane meant that it took half an hour to make a drive that normally takes me ten minutes).  Anyway, as he and I were stuck in traffic, I asked him "why do you get so upset whenever we have to leave the house?"  And he point blank answered me - "because I'm scared because I don't know what is going to happen when I leave the house, so I don't want to leave the house because I don't feel safe."

Hassaan has always had an above average vocabulary and way of speaking.  He never did the one or two word sentences, but full sentences.  And though for awhile his words didn't make sense, it was his diction, not his use of them.  As the speech therapist said - his speech patterns (use of "th" or "s" or "r" mostly) were completely age appropriate.  His vocabulary, however, was about four years about him and to some degree still is.  So when he says things like this, he truly means it and he knows what he's saying.  On one hand, I'm grateful that, many times, he can express himself enough that I have some idea of what is going on.  On the other, there are days that I wonder "why did I want him to start talking?  Please child, a few moments of silence!"

I wish that Hassaan's life wasn't so difficult.  This is, for all intents and purposes, his own person jihad, and I will do whatever it is that I can to help him overcome it.  But it is going to be a very long (and difficult) road.  I look at Hammad and see how easy he's got it and how easy everything comes to him and I wish that there was just a little of that for Hassaan.  But I love my boys and nothing will ever change that.  Anxiety and all.