Another

The trouble with labels is that when they're given, they're there.  And when they're needed, they're still there, but the stigma attached is often such that people don't truly believe they're needed.  And then, to top it off, when the label is legitimately given and the child is treated accordingly and this treatment includes meds, then the parent of the child is looked down upon as not parenting, but medicating their child so they don't have to.  But yet, if this is legitimately the case, the parent is parenting.  Now, I will admit that there are bad parents who, combined with bad doctors, medicate their children so they don't have to deal with the realities of being a parent.  But for many of us, this is not the case.  But the stigma attached to the labels of ADHD, ADD, ODD and others has been given because of those bad parents and bad doctors.

This little rant has been brought about because at Hassaan's last doctor's appointment the anxiety issue was discussed.  It is readily apparent to those of us that have to transition him out of our house.  Every day, every time, the words "it's time to go" bring about a meltdown.  Once he gets to where he's going, one of two things happens.  If it's somewhere where he knows everyone or is one on one with a grown up, he's FINE.  Like it never happened.  However, if he's going into a situation where there is not a lot of people and he's in them and doesn't know a lot of them, he shuts down.  It's like he's the only one in the room. He won't talk to me, his father or his brother.  Acknowledgement is nil.

Because of the extreme reactions to having to leave the house, his doctor wants him in counselling.  And I completely agree.  I do not want him on more meds.  That is the last thing I want and he needs.  But have you tried finding counseling here?  It's next to impossible unless you have either really good benefits or are rich.  But the doctor is concerned that if it is not taken care of and treated, Hassaan will end up to some degree of agoraphobia.

And I can see what he's saying, since even getting the child to go outside and play is nearly impossibly some days.

Medicine. Or lack thereof.

Tomorrow we go to see Hassaan's paediatrician again.  Not entirely sure what's going to be going on, as the last time around I was unable to go as I was having minor surgery so my parents took him.  Now, here's the thing.  I love my dad, I really do.  And I am very grateful that he's been able to help with the boys when we need it. And when Hassaan first went on meds, he was one of the many that agreed we'd seen such a positive change.  Now that we've seen that change consistently, he's gone onto the other side, where my middle brother is, in the 'he doesn't need medication' bandwagon.  So on days like today, when I've given him the pills to give to Hassaan because he's not had breakfast yet, and then he doesn't give them (because they went out and he forgot to take the pills with them, which I totally get because I've done it) and then says later "well he's just fine, see?"  It's just so frustrating.  As I said tonight, the problem is not necessarily immediate, but later - when bedtime becomes a bigger fight than normal, when he starts to get a headache because it's coming out of his system and not going back in, he needs to have his meds.  And that's where I left it.

So the lesson is to me - make sure Hassaan has his meds before he leaves the house because the chances of him getting them there are, well, slim.  I know that if he's having a sleepover and my mom is there that he will get them.  And then my next issue is that he's spending a week with my mother in law, who my husband hasn't (to the best of my knowledge) yet told about the diagnosis and meds.  In fact, the one night that he and the boys stayed over (right after my surgery, as I kicked the three of them out for some peace and quiet) and the next day I asked him if he'd given Hassaan his meds (because sometimes he forgets, just as I do) and he had.  So I asked him what his (ever critical) mother had said.  His reply was that he hadn't told her.  I asked if she'd seen it.  He said nope, he'd put it in the oatmeal when she wasn't looking.  So....  now to get my father to understand that he's gotta give the meds if asked, and Steve to talk to his mother and make sure she gets it as well.  If not, I'm not going to be able to trust him to be anywhere where he needs his meds.

Basically, the question is this - why would you not give a child on meds for ADHD, but you'd give a diabetic child their meds?   It's the same basic concept - better quality of life.

A bad sensory day

Every once in awhile, fortunately less now than before, we have what can only be called a bad sensory day.

Hassaan, along with everything else, is also hypersensitive.  This he also comes by honestly - it's something that I have always dealt with too, however Hassaan seems to have it to a greater degree than I do.  Today he couldn't handle the clothes I picked out for him, so had a tantrum.  Then he had a tantrum because I'd let his clothes touch the floor.  Then, after finally getting him dressed and going into town to go to the 2011 Walk for Autism fundraiser for a local family we know (the walk is actually in a few weeks in Toronto, they raise money for their son's "team" every year), he refused to speak to anyone but me, refused to put his hat on because it had a double shoe-string type strap on it (which he's worn for two summers without a problem now) and spent a good deal of time taking his shoes off to clean in between his toes because things were touching his toes.  In his sneakers.

These are the days when it's incredibly frustrating for both him and I.  Usually it's frustrating to me because I do not understand why he's doing what he's doing.  But on days like this, it's frustrating because I understand all too well and hate that he's going through that much like I have done and - to some degree - continue to do.  And on days like this, I ask one question - between the ADHD, ODD, anxiety and hypersensitivity....

Why has God made life so difficult for Hassaan?